Techno Claus (who looks suspiciously like “Sunday Morning” correspondent David Pogue) offers gift suggestions for those on your holiday list who love gadgets, for work and play:
Good morrow, dear gentles, let’s all take a pause
And welcome a visit from me, Techno Claus!
I come to suggest high-tech gifting idears,
A job I’ve performed now for 14 straight years.
I’m glad to be here in your nicely decked hall,
Cheap costume, unplaceable accent and all.
MuteMe Button ($40)
The stupid pandemic has yielded such fruit
As people on Zoom yelling out, “You’re on mute!”
Won’t happen to me! Because look what I got:
When it’s green, they can hear you; when red, they cannot.
No fussing with icons for this jolly elf;
I’ll never again make an ass of _______.
Hotdot Rechargeable Hand Warmers ($30)
These chemical hand warmers aren’t to my taste,
You use them one time, then they’re nothin’ but waste.
But these are electric! Rechargeable, see?
Both sides give you heat to your choice of degree.
No longer must winter mean “chilled to the bone.”
And hey, in a pinch, you can charge up your phone!
Renpho Cordless Jump Rope ($26)
So guess what I do for my exercise? NOPE!
It’s kinda like jump-roping, minus the rope!
Low ceilings? No problem! Tight spaces? Tall hair?
You can even work out if you’re stuck in a chair!
It tallies your jumps on your phone, or right here,
And if you prefer a real rope, never fear!
JBL Clip 4 Bluetooth Speaker ($45)
You know who likes music while workin’? My elves!
But regular speakers sit up on the shelves.
But this one is portable, built with a clip
For your car, or your workbench, or even your hip.
The sound and the bass are superb for the size
And it’s waterproof, too – that’s a pleasant surprise!
CovoBox ($57 and up)
Before: a disaster of cables and gear.
And after: I’ve made all that crud disappear!
It’s true! Don’t be fooled by the elegant looks:
It’s storage handmade from a bundle of books.
The books have been rescues, if that’s not enough
What would have been landfill can now you hide your stuff!
KJOY LED Car Sign ($60)
How often have you, while out driving somewhere,
Had a thought to express to a driver back there?
Be silent no more! Stick this Bluetooth display,
Choose a message in here, and then broadcast away!
A warning, a thank you, a how-do-you-do,
Or make animations – it’s all up to you!
Therabody Smart Goggles ($200)
The world, let’s admit it, is causing us stress
We get headaches more, and we’re sleeping much less.
But these things massage you in places like these,
And there’s heat; you can make ’em as warm as you please.
The app offers guidance for finding your peace
And a monitor measures your heart-rate decrease.
At 200 smackers, I know they ain’t cheap
But who puts a price on refreshment and sleep?
That does it, dear gentles: a bounty of fun.
I hope you enjoyed them; now, I gotta run!
I still use the reindeer to get underway
Because nobody makes a rechargeable sleigh!
Story produced by David Rothman. Editor: Mike Levine.